How Yesterday's "Whoopings" Could Be Crippling Your Finances Today
by Nwanne Onwuzu
Growing up Black, many of us heard the familiar refrain: "I'm going to give you something to cry about." Physical discipline was often delivered with love, wrapped in the promise of making us stronger, better, more resilient. Our parents and grandparents wielded it as a tool for survival, believing they were preparing us for a world that would show no mercy.
But what if those childhood experiences left deeper marks than the physical ones that faded? What if the way we handle money today – the impulse purchases that bring comfort, the inability to say no to family, the paralyzing fear of financial risks – can be traced back to those moments when we learned that pain was a teacher?
As Black women, we're often praised for our strength and resilience. We're the backbone of our communities, the ones who make a dollar out of fifteen cents. But beneath our financial decisions lies a complex web of learned behaviors, generational patterns, and unhealed trauma that deserves our attention and understanding.
Let's explore how yesterday's discipline might be shaping today's money moves – and more importantly, how we can break free from patterns that no longer serve us.
The Hidden Cost of "Deserved" Pain
Perhaps the deepest wound from physical discipline wasn't the punishment itself, but the unspoken message it carried: as Black children, this was what we deserved. While other communities might emphasize positive reinforcement or gentle parenting, many of us internalized that harsh punishment was our birthright – a destiny written in our skin.
This messaging didn't exist in isolation. It echoed through:
Teachers who were quicker to punish Black students
Media portrayals of "unruly" Black children needing strict discipline
The over-policing of Black bodies in public spaces
Comments about how "White kids couldn't handle" our parents' discipline methods
The financial implications of this inherited unworthiness run deep:
Accepting lower salaries because we don't feel worthy of more
Hesitating to negotiate, fearing punishment for being "too demanding"
Overcompensating through luxury purchases to prove our worth
Struggling to invest in ourselves, unsure if we deserve growth
Taking on others' financial burdens as penance for our success
This isn't just about money – it's about believing we deserve abundance. When every childhood mistake was met with physical pain, how do we learn to trust that we're worthy of wealth? How do we convince ourselves that financial success isn't just for "other" people?
Understanding Generational Trauma and Money
When our grandmothers kept emergency money sewn into their mattresses, they weren't just being cautious – they were responding to generations of financial insecurity and systemic barriers. The physical discipline many of us experienced was often rooted in the same fear: a desperate need to protect us in a world that historically hasn't protected Black bodies or Black wealth.
This survival-based parenting created a complex relationship with both authority and security. Many of us learned early that:
Making mistakes leads to painful consequences
Perfect behavior equals safety
Authority figures can unpredictably shift from nurturing to punishing
Control comes through fear rather than understanding
These early lessons didn't stay in childhood – they followed us into our bank accounts, investment decisions, and financial relationships. The hand that swung the belt might be long gone, but its impact echoes in the way we grip our purse strings or freely spend to ease emotional pain.
Consider how many of us:
Hoard money in low-interest savings accounts, too afraid to invest
Overwork ourselves to prove our worth
Can't say no to family members in need, even when it hurts us financially
Make impulse purchases to soothe the anxious child within
Avoid financial discussions because they trigger feelings of shame or fear
Understanding this connection isn't about blame – it's about awareness. Our parents did the best they could with the tools they had. But now, we can develop new tools, heal old wounds, and create different patterns for ourselves and the next generation.
Get Support
We’re leading a support group on how to break through money blocks like those created from intergenerational trauma. For $12 dollars a month, you get all the resources you’ll need. Interested? Email us at jade@ikoni.org.
P.S. Don’t miss the first IKONI podcast episode with The Invisible Black Woman.
