Martyrs & Money Don’t Mix

by Nwanne Onwuzu

The day I realized I was addicted to being a victim changed everything. While most won't admit to having a victim mentality, I will. I was justifiably a victim of trauma, violence, and loss. But I had turned victimhood into an art form.

For years, everything and everyone was victimizing me. Criticize my work? You were victimizing me. Not giving me enough recognition? You were victimizing me.

I had inherited a martyr persona that ran so deep it would take me years to dislodge it.

See, the martyr persona develops because it's a way to gain control through good deeds that feel less selfish. However, it's still an attempt at control. And if there's one thing I can generalize about – and I don't generalize often – if you have this persona too, you're struggling with money.

How do I know that?

Because money is pure energy. And martyrs? We're energetic black holes. Think about it - while we're out here doing everything for everybody, feeling depleted, used up, and resentful, we're literally blocking the flow of abundance.

Uncomfortable Truths
Money is like water in a stream - it needs to flow both ways. When we're stuck in martyr mode, we're like a dam blocking that stream. We give and give and give, but we've convinced ourselves it's somehow noble to refuse receiving. We call it being "selfless," but let's be real - we're really just afraid. Afraid of our power, afraid of our worth, afraid of breaking generational patterns that taught us that suffering equals virtue.

Here's what shifted everything for me: I started treating money like the spiritual force it is. Every dollar is just frozen energy waiting to be directed. When I stopped wearing my suffering like a badge of honor, when I finally understood that my education, my gifts, my very presence deserved compensation - things began to change.

It wasn't easy. I had to confront some uncomfortable truths:

·       Every time I worked for free "for exposure," I was feeding my martyr addiction

·       When I undercharged for my services, I wasn't being humble - I was being harmful to myself

·       Those all-nighters I pulled "for the community" without boundaries? Just another form of self-sacrifice that left me empty

Overflows & Overdrafts
The truth is, we can't pour from an empty cup. Having money doesn't make you less dedicated to the cause. It makes you more powerful, more capable of creating real change. Think about it - what could you do for your community with a full bank account instead of running on spiritual and financial fumes?

Listen, I'm not saying don't serve. I'm saying serve from your overflow, not your overdraft. When you break free from the martyr mentality, you realize that money is just one form of energy exchange in this universe. And you deserve to be part of that exchange.

Suffering Doesn’t Make You Worthy
Here's the truth: The universe is abundant. Your suffering doesn't make you more worthy, and your bank account doesn't measure your character. But if you're walking around with a martyr's crown, you're literally telling the universe, "No thanks, I'd rather struggle." And here’s the thing: there is no award for martyrdom. You’re only paid through more pain and lack.

Here’s another important truth: Suffering doesn't make the people that harmed you feel guilty. Sometimes our martyrdom can be based on wanting the world to see the pain that we have been put in and continue to go through. People resent this. They resent the small posture, the lack of boundary setting, they lose respect. Historically, the martyr doesn't get the glory they deserve while they were living. And you have a lot of life to live - a wealthy one.

So I’m a Martyr. How Do I Change?
How do you begin? Start small. The next time someone offers to pay you for your gifts, resist the urge to minimize your worth. When you feel that martyr voice creeping in, remind yourself: "I receive with grace." Watch how things begin to shift when you allow yourself to be both generous and abundantly blessed.

Remember: martyrs don't make money because they're too busy proving their worth through sacrifice. But leaders? Leaders build legacies. And that requires being just as good at receiving as we are at giving.

The choice is yours. What's it going to be?

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